


SUGAR-PLUM

by kimbapeu_kidding



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Fluff, Talent Shows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 08:49:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19081630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimbapeu_kidding/pseuds/kimbapeu_kidding
Summary: “Hey, you’re probably not okay-““I’m not!”, you snapped, taking him by surprise. He stepped back and you went on.“I didn’t ask you to save my ass, hero. What were you even thinking? What if I had never remembered-”“But you did.”* * * *a transfer student, you’ve spent days preparing for the freshers’ talent show in your new school. but nothing could’ve gotten you ready to brave the human-sized storm that comes crashing into your life an hour before you’re about to take the stage. will it, like others of its kind, create havoc? or is this storm an exception, a saviour?    honestly, you can’t tell.





	SUGAR-PLUM

**Author's Note:**

> this was inspired by an experience i had in the ninth grade. i was a newbie and i all i could do in the talent show was narrate what i had written. something about human beings murdering our planet. i didn’t win it, but this guy who i had a little (okay, that time, it was huge) crush on, came up to me and said, ‘that was well said’. i was on cloud ninety-nine for a good couple of days after that. also, this is the fastest i’ve finished a one-shot! in four days~ woohoo~ my pacing’s still off, though :( hopefully, i get better. this is for my wise raisin, the one friend who reads my stuff and hypes me up. i hope you like it~!

_**\- - We hold on to those who keep leaving and let go of the ones that always stayed. Speeding after what’s out of our reach, it’s a case of road rage. Like the dramatic car chase in a movie, we skid and we bolt and we nearly fly, but this is not a movie. This isn’t where everyone escapes unhurt. Because we charge fast, they crash hard - the ones riding with us. The ones who wanted to sit through the journey with us, those who wished to see us standing on that mountain peak. Watch them go up in flames - -** _

 

You broke your gaze to look up at the blackboard. 

No time to explain. The thing is-

_New school. Two weeks in. Friendless._

_Freshers’ Talent Show today. Hopeless. Half an hour left._

 

**_\- - Watch them go up in flames. Regret, the ashes swirling around, they’ll paint your eyes red and wrench your throat. Split your soul open and make you scream - -_ **

“Cockroach!”

_Ugh._

 

You turned around to a commotion that had you smirking.

_Idiots._

The girl’s friends had already backed away from the roach, in no mood to stand in its way. But she hadn’t budged. You could see blue cartoon sweat drops sliding down her face like, ‘ _oooowheeee!’_ The insect had found its sweet-home in her school bag.

“Yahhh!”, she screeched at her compadres who maintained good distance, “I had no idea I was hanging out with a bunch of wusses!”

“wELL….”, a spectacled boy chuckled uneasily, “nOW YoU dO.”

“Do something!”, someone else barked at the girl and she whined in anger.

You made a half-hearted attempt to recollect her name. _Jessica?_ The frown she wore tightened, the lines on her face dipped some more. _Geez_. She probably thought the thing was going to eat up her precious bag.

 

You had gone back to rehearsing your speech when Jessica’s cry, like a firework, exploded in the air.

_“Saaaaaaaaaaaan!”_

Sighing, you lifted your head again. Wanting to find out what fire had lit the rocket and- _ow_ , you breathed out. A burn unfurled across your skin.

The guy who just entered, you hadn’t seen him in the two weeks you were here.

 

Arms at his sides moving back and forth like they didn’t know what being tied felt like. Like he didn’t know what being bound was like. You felt free, so giddy. Just looking at him command attention with his steps, effortlessly thumping against the floor one after the other. He was looking ahead, probably at some place beyond your desk. It had you clenching your fists. Then someone sitting in the front stood up, called out, “San!”

 _San_. You said the name inside your head. _San._ His earring, a line of silver moving from here to there like a pendulum. As if you weren’t already hypnotised. With a dizzy head, you hiked down his jaw, and _boy_ , was it difficult to keep your balance on that trail.  

So you fell.

 

“San!”, Jessica yelled from behind you. He halted the conversation he had been having with the tall boy, and half-lidded eyes widening, craned his neck to look at her.

“Yes, Jessica?”

“There’s a cockroach here, San!”

 

A blink. A nod.

“Okay.”

And then he was returning to his conversation as if nothing of grandeur had happened at all, and you _totally_ understood that. Snickers erupted across the class.

Cockroaches didn’t deserve to be fussed over, but Jessica begged to disagree. The next thing you heard was a whine.

 

“Saaaaan~ Please kill it, will you? I really need to get my lip balm now!”

Like a horse that just got its hindquarters whipped, he spun on his feet and bolted toward Jessica. You struggled to keep your jaw screwed shut. _Was this guy that easy?_

The moment he had passed by you, you could only rely on your ears to know what was happening behind. Didn’t dare turn around, you knew you’d stare and get labelled a _creep_ and come on, who would want that right before they were going to take the stage in a place that felt like a _whole other planet_ -

He was slicing through your silent rant-

“See, bean pie? Isn’t it much better when you tell me _just_ what you want?”

 

You gulped. _Was he dating her?_

A moment passed.

 

Then shaking your head, nose wrinkling in disgust, you slapped two palms over your ears and looked down. _Why did you even care?_

 

Over the next few minutes, during the course of which San walked past your desk twice, once carrying a paper in his hand with the roach on it and the other without it, you really didn’t look up.

 

Just as you were feeling proud for exercising all that self-restraint, he appeared, plopping down on the chair in front of you.

So when he turned around, you were forced to behold. Teeth, straight and close-knit like a freshly painted fence. His lips, curving lines of rosy icing round a sponge cake. Those dimples, two deep pools you wouldn’t mind drowning in, and _that smile_. So, so pure, lighting up his face with a halo of its own.

 

“Hi! I’m San.”

You narrowed your eyes.

“You’re not new here….huh?”

He shook his head.

“Oh no! I’m just back from my vacation. The school insisted I extend it cause I’m their only asset.”

You nodded slowly, _very_ slowly, _excruciatingly_ slowly, looking away from his smirk to stare back at the paper on your desk. With no plan, whatsoever, to keep the conversation going or initiate a new one. _The guy was going to do it for you anyways._

“What’s this?”

“My speech for the Talent Show.”

“You’re good at speaking?”

“No. Decent at writing, but no one’s gonna wanna watch me write.”

You huffed out the last part, cause talent shows didn’t seem to consider _writing-in-a-notebook-at-a-secluded-corner_ a very good show of talent. Not flashy enough for those movement-hungry baboons.

 

“Watching stuff excites me,“

He had lowered his voice on purpose, that _derp_. Though, you still thought he sounded like a duck with a deep voice. Not sure, did he assign dessert names to every girl that crossed his way? Or was Jessica a _special_ bean pie?

“I’m sure you’d keep me very entertained, sugar-plum-”

“ _Don’t_ ”, you cut him off, “Don’t you call me that. I don’t wanna be sharing nicknames with another girl-“

 

You had stepped on the brakes at the nick of time, but foR wHaT? Having already crashed into the wall, a different kind of burn seared your now, one that peeled your skin and had you feeling naked. Vulnerable, shameful. Drilling into your lip with teeth, you kept your head bowed. Neck weighed down by regret at the embarrassing outburst you had just had.

_Please go away. Please just leave. Don’t talk anymore-_

“SUGAR PLUM!”, he shouted out.

You choked on the gasp but somehow managed to let it out along with a long string of wheezes. Like a sprinkler, your head went round and round. Stares. Eye-rolls. Glares. Truckloads of hate.

 

_You got none of that._

wAIT- they didn’t seem to care, none of them. All too consumed in whatever they were doing.

 

Then the bitch did it again.

“SUGAR PLUM!”

“Will you sHUt iT!?”

You lurched forward, but he leaned back. Leaving you to grapple at nothingness as though you were juicing a pair of air oranges.

“Look around”, he tipped his chin.

Again, no one answered, no one reacted. _Indifference?_ Or were they ignoring you? Not the slightest clue, but you got what he was trying to convey. And it made your cheeks glow like a Christmas tree, flickering with red lights.

 

“No one else answers to that name”, he said, getting up. You watched him lock hands behind his back and reach up. He was stretching, but you stiffened. Gesturing to the paper on your desk with a faint grin, he said-

“All the best. Keep your eyes on me while you speak, yeah?”

Watching him walk away, you wondered why you’d ever do that. Why would you risk having your mind go blank and your tongue get all tied? He was the thief that duct-taped your mouth and leaped out the window with words that were once yours. Why would you trust him?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

****

**_Why was this happening?_ **

_The mind is a book being read by the mouth._

You’d spent five whole days, since the announcement asking all newbies to buckle up came, inking down those words on the papers of your mind. With care, pushing away sleep and putting off gratification. They had to be in the right places, the right words. All those hours of repeating and memorising and rehearsing, all those nights spent in front of the mirror. You thought they’d pay off.

_If a line in the book goes missing, the lips stop moving._

And so they stopped. Right before a line of judges, under the spotlight for the gigantic assemblage of students and teachers to see, your lips stopped moving. You stopped. And you thought your heart did too.

 

With sweat clinging to it, the mic in your hand threatened to slip past your grip. In that moment, desperation swallowing you like a cloak too huge, you-

_San?_

You pressed your lips together. In the second row, some sort of impatience painting his eyes, gaze heavy on you, he squirmed. Positively disappointed.

Looking away from him, you breathed into the mic. Then cursed yourself for it. Cause, _giving up_ , even that you couldn’t do properly.

 

**“AAAHHHHHHHHH!”**

A raw scream. It had come from San. _What-?_ He jumped up, eyes so huge they covered most of his face. Two teachers rose from their chairs.

A trembling finger, he was pointing at the boy before him. Those around let out gasps and scooted away. Murmurs filled the air.

One of the teachers grabbed a mic, addressed him.

“What is it, San!?”

He didn’t need one to answer her.

“I saw a cockroach disappear into his pants!”, he cried. At that, the boy pushed himself up, screeching, “Where?! Where?!”

Those around scooted further away. Looking over his shoulder, the boy spanked his own butt. Some kids at the back got up on their feet. He was doing his best to drive the roach out of his bum. Members of the School Cabinet yelled at everyone to shut the hell up. The boy was losing his mind. Judges exchanged looks. The teachers were shushing with all their might and spit.

Like this, the whole auditorium chose to forget the girl on stage. San had retreated into the shadows.

 

_If the line in the book finds its way back, the lips open._

You opened your mouth.

 

“Uh….I-“

Then shut yourself with a palm. _Silence._

The way all those heads snapped. So many raised eyebrows. All of them waiting for you to reveal the reason you had asked for their attention. The boy had stopped whacking his butt by then, but he still looked pale.

A huge gulp you took. But even that wasn’t enough to push down the knot in your throat. What were you supposed to say, _‘Y’all my stupid ass brain suddenly remembered, now please listen to me’_?

To your relief, one of the judges decided to take matters into his own hand. Rubbing at his temple, he said into the mic.

“Since the commotion just now disrupted your flow, you may begin again.”

 

A second chance. Rebirth. A life.

This time, you weren’t any more charismatic than you had been before. Neither did you have the power to awe the audience. But this time, you had made up your mind. To look at one person, to look at him and him alone. No. There was no way you’d let the risk he took go in vain.

Throughout the speech, San was singing silent compliments to you. His eyes said you were doing great. The smile on his face, subtle like a pencil line swimming in watercolours, assured, _‘It’s alright._ ’ And to let you know that your words were felt, and not just heard, he made it a point to bob his head every time you finished a sentence. Every little nod. It made you speak louder and hold your head a little higher.

But when it was finally over, when it was time to get off stage, you couldn’t bring yourself to soak in the claps and the cheers. Didn’t wait for the show to end, you excused yourself to the washroom.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

****

**_How long had you been in here for?_ **

The snot on your fingers had dried. It was hard to stretch them. A blocked nose. It was tough to breathe freely. Swollen eyes. Difficult to produce any more tears. So you unlocked the door, turned the handle, and were about to step out when-

“What a day! San embarrassing himself to save the new student some embarrassment!”

A string of laughs followed. You withdrew into the cubicle, locked yourself in, but stayed close to the door, straining your ears. A different voice spoke next.

 

“That was seriously risky. Like, dude, I got that he was buying time for her. But what if the girl never remembered her lines?! What’s the damn point!?”

You bit your tongue.

 

“Yeah”, a third person spoke, “It could’ve been in vain, but the fact of the matter is that she did miraculously remember at the right time! Besides, her talk wasn’t too bad. I thought it was nicely written. Just horribly delivered.”

With a blurry vision, you looked down at your shoes. They seemed to wiggle and shake and tremble. This was no high, though. You had no idea lows made a person feel this way too.

 

“San’s always soft for women, but this time-“

A pause. You heard water splashing. And then she continued.

“-he took it too far.”

 

“Yo. He’s not into her, right?”

The question was met with a high-pitched laugh, after which, the voices began to fade away.

 

“You seem tense.”

“Shuddup! Unlike you two, I have a boyfriend-“

“A boyfriend that’s not San.”

“I aM nOT into him.”

“It’s okay…we all love the guy…..”

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

You hated it with passion, the sight before you. Of him, leaning against the wall, eyes bouncing with anticipation. He was looking for someone. You marched up to where he was standing. Right outside the girls’ washroom.

When he saw you approaching, San started and plunged his hands into his pockets. He had wiped clean every trace of mock. All that glazed his face now was genuine concern, and it somehow seemed to soften the edges.

 

“Hey, you’re probably not okay-“

“I’m not!”, you snapped, taking him by surprise. He stepped back and you went on.

“I didn’t ask you to save my ass, hero. What were you even thinking? What if I had never remembered-”

“But you did.”

“Shut up when I’m talking!”, you brought up a hand and snapped your fingers at him, “ _What?_ You think you pulled it off perfectly? It was so obvious that you were doing it to buy me time. Every fucking person there understood! Such an embarrassment you are.”

 

They talk about how rage blinds a person. Maybe that was why you didn’t see it. The way his lips trembled.

“If you had just kept shut and still, I would’ve felt only half the shame I’m feeling now. They probably think I’m weak. That I need the gentlemen that everyone loves to look out for me!”

 

The way he chewed on them. Failed attempts to stop their shivering. You saw none of that.

“Ugh. I’m so done, I don’t ever wanna see you again. Fucking get lost.”

 

 

And then he blurted out of the blue, voice broken.

“Trying to chase the past which is out of our reach, is a case of road rage.”

Your heart jumped up and down, as if it were on a trampoline. All you could do was stare.

“Whatever you’ve gained from this experience is riding with you-“

He stopped abruptly, eyebrows tied together, possibly to search for the right words. While you took it as a chance to digest it all.

 

Something bloomed among the thorns in the darkness inside, something shined through the storm clouds scattered across the sky by this whole incident. _Moments back, you were thinking he had nodded out of pity._

 

 

“So”, he began, “Don’t charge at something that’s already done and set fire to what’s…about to come?”

Finishing doubtfully, he shrugged. You wanted to cry, but these tears weren’t the kind that you had shed in the washroom. _Moments back, you had burned down every piece of hope that he had been nodding, not out of pity but, because your words deserved it._

 

The bell rang and you watched him walk away.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

****

**_A day, at least._ **

You needed twenty-four hours in all its entirety to recover from what had happened. So you took a day off.

 

People had come up after that, in numbers that you could count on your fingers, with words of support. You had smiled, said your thanks, but what should’ve brightened your day only made it cloudier. Whatever little praise you got, it didn’t feel like you deserved it.

Looking back, San was right; even though they were your own words, when spoken by someone else, you understood them a lot better. Too caught up with the past, you ended up abandoning your present.

 

It was late in the morning now. Getting off bed, you rushed to your phone. Having stayed away from social media for the whole day yesterday, you were feeling overwhelmed by the FOMO.

Same old, same old, you were aimlessly scrolling through your Instagram feed when the Direct Message icon caught your eye.

_And there it was_ , delivered to you last night. Hadn’t been expecting anything, so why did it feel like you had been waiting all this while for....

for,

_a text from San?_

 

 

**_10:30 pm_ **

_Hey. I had no right to walk away, but I urgently needed to cringe at myself in privacy. It was painful. Did I make any sense at all? Right, I used your own words to advice you. *shut up, san*_

****

**_10:35 pm_ **

_Anyways, I wanted to apologise. I overstepped some boundaries. Just that, whenever I need help, I feel awkward asking for it. So even though you hadn’t asked, I still felt like it. To help you…which you totally didn’t like. Understood. I’m sorry._

 

 

You sucked in a breath. Then giggled.

 

_“I’m sure you’d keep me very entertained, sugar plum.”_

_“Don’t charge at something that’s already done and set fire to what’s about to come.”_

_“I had no right to walk away, but I urgently needed to cringe at myself in privacy.”_

 

The same person. All of those words were uttered by the same pair of lips. Lips that had trembled because of you.

Tears, tears, and more tears. They kept coming at the memory of you snapping at him. Like a pair of scissors, how many cuts had you made?

**Never mind.**

Wiping your face, you put the phone away. He was still part of your present, and tomorrow, you were going to stick the pieces back together. It was going to be alright.

 

You closed your eyes, not to escape _today_.

You went to sleep, so you’d wake up _tomorrow._

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

San was surrounded by a bunch of your classmates when you entered the room. He seemed to be explaining something to them, fingers in the air, twisting and turning and occasionally pointing to the book in front of him. _Glasses_. Thin silver-rimmed glasses. You swallowed, taking in the way they snugly sat on his nose. His eyes were springing back and forth only between those around him, you couldn’t catch them.

 

“Haiiii!”

You jumped, startled. It was Jessica, waving to you from where she sat next to San. Beaming at her, you nodded.

It was then that he lifted his head. You dragged your gaze to him, feeling your heart run a little faster from the way he looked at you. In waiting, in doubt, not knowing what to do. So you led the way with a smile. And he followed, smiling back.

 

Just as you were settling down in your desk, you heard him say from behind.

“Good morning.”

 

The drawing you had made last night glowed inside your pocket like a reminder. It was now or never. Turning around, you handed it over to him.

 

While he stared and gawked and gaped at it, worry was dripping into you with every second that passed. _Had you overdone it?_

 

A simple drawing, it was, of a sugar-plum. Glittering purple, round, huge eyes and a curvy smile. You’d also given it two stick-hands, with which it held a tiny note reading - **_Humph! You’re too sweet….even sweeter than me._**

 

It was torturous, waiting for him to say something. You hadn’t thanked him, neither had you apologised. Maybe there was nothing to be said at all. Clearing your throat, you started-

“You don’t have to say anything-“

He cut you off, still looking down at the paper. A grin spread far and wide on his face like butter on toast, making him shine gold.

 

“They have a lot of sugar in the bakery down the street-”, he paused. Then took a step forward. Then another. One more. Until you felt your back hit something, you were trapped between him and a desk.

At that moment, you didn’t know if you were supposed to feel grateful or concerned for your classmates. They were in their own worlds, as usual, choosing to remain completely oblivious to the show you two were putting on.

 

San went on, bending so you could feel his breath against your ear.

“How about I take you there and give you a lesson on being sweet? Huh, sugar-plum?”

Pressing your palms against his chest, you pushed him away. He landed on another desk with a shrill cry.

“I’ll take that as a _yes_!”

 

A minute later, you let it out. Your _first laugh_ since the day you’d landed here in this new school.

 _Sure_ , he had come a bit late.

But right now, with his soft eyes and loud laughs swirling around, wrapping you like the realest of dreams, it didn’t matter at all.

 

Being San’s _sugar-plum_ , you didn’t mind it one bit.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


End file.
